


Unexpected

by easybakedoodles (Madrugada98)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, of course they watch serenity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-02 17:02:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2819621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madrugada98/pseuds/easybakedoodles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert planned for a nice and normal 18th birthday where his tattoo proclaiming the name of his soul mate would not be a major affair. Maybe a celebratory dinner and too much cake, but well that was why he invited Dave along. What he had not planned on was waking up with Dirk Strider's name on his back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Happy Birthday Pooplord!

Friday April 12th, 3:34 P.M.

**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --**

**EB: hey dave, you wanna come hang out tonight?  
EB: dads probably baked three cakes already and im not going to eat them all haha**

          Your name is JOHN EGBERT and you are really, REALLY nervous about your birthday. It isn’t just any birthday; it is your eighteenth birthday! That means it is kind of a big deal. Tomorrow is the day that your soul mate’s name will appear somewhere on your body and you are quietly freaking out about it.

          You expect that the name will appear somewhere meaningful on your body during the night and then when you wake up, you and Dave will find it, share a bro fist bump and then go downstairs for breakfast that hopefully won’t contain cake. After eating and cleaning up you and your dad and possibly Dave will go down to the local soul mate database office and see where and who your life long partner is. Maybe you can be pen pals for a while and talk or set up a meeting and have lunch together or something.

          You’re still nervous about finding out who your soul mate is, but the thought of getting to know them is really nice and somewhat comforting to you. Flashes of horror stories about soul mates flash in your head. Stories about how their soul mate had someone else’s name on their body. A story of how their soul mate wasn’t in the databases and 10 years later the name popped up on a newly 18 year old. Other stories talked of people whose soul mate had recently died in a car crash. The worried thoughts in your head are pushed out by the sudden buzzing of your phone and you end up dropping your pencil on the floor.

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --**

**TG: sure man whatever ive gotta drop some shit off at home first  
TG: ill probs get to your place at four thirty or something so dont let dadbert waste those cakes**

         You quietly sigh in relief; of course Dave was going to come hang out. It is your birthday after all. Knowing Dave, he’s probably just as curious to find out who your soul mate is as you are. His showed up a few months back in December on his birthday and so far the local databases hadn’t been able to dig anything up. He tried not to show that he was nervous about it but you knew him way better than that.

          You text back a confirmation and tell him to drive safe; there are crazy drivers on his side of town. Though to be honest Dave was probably just as bad as the rest of them you thought as you tossed your phone onto your bed.

          Sitting at your desk, you tried to concentrate on what homework you had. It was a decent load for the end of the year, but you were a senior so they were cramming as much content as possible in before final exams. An hour later, true to his word, Dave drove his shitty pickup truck into your driveway. The thing was so set to break down but Dave wouldn’t get rid of the red rust heap. You went down the stairs taking them two at a time and got to the door before Dave could even raise his hand to the doorbell.

          “Wow eager much John? I bet you sat inside the door waitin on me like a stripper waitin for her pink pina colada in between shows. That shits hella embarrassing bro c’mon haven’t you had enough of me this week?” He rambles elbowing past you into the living room after kicking off his shoes. You roll your eyes as your dad comes out of the kitchen, pulling off his hand mittens.

          “Hello David, I thought John would probably invite you over and forget to tell me. Again,” He said chuckling to himself before continuing, “I have a few things in the kitchen but dinner will be done cooking by five so try not to eat too many snacks until then,” He said.

          “Yessir Mr. Egbert,” Dave says, snapping off a mock salute while you face palm. Your dad returns to the kitchen with little fuss as you shove Dave off the couch and attempt to get to the Xbox first. You know exactly what game Dave would put in given the chance and you are not going to play Tony Hawk Extreme Skating even if it is just for a little under an hour.

          Half an hour of sweet, sweet, Ghostbusters MMO later and your dad is calling you both into the kitchen. Dave groans in relief and throws his controller at you to show his distaste of the game you picked. He must have thought you didn’t get the hint even though the half hour of play had been filled with his whiney grumbles. You catch the controller and say “Wow way to not be a baby Dave!” with a smile on your face. You see him wave your words away in favor of almost drooling over whatever Dad made for dinner.

          Dad is a sucker for home cooking, and once you learned that at the Strider household home cooking wasn’t really a thing, you begged your dad to eat in whenever Dave came over. It wasn’t that Dave particularly favored home cooked over ordering food, but you figured it was probably a good change of pace for him. Keep him on his toes and all that. Either way, Dad had gone all out tonight, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and grilled chicken. Not the most conventional but definitely your favorite.

          You and Dave loaded up your plates and headed back towards the living room where you set your plate on the coffee table and picked out a movie while Dave grabbed drinks. It was a system both of you had set up a while ago for every other hangout night. Last time Dave picked out the weirdest movie so this time you’re going with something a little cooler.

          “Serenity?” Dave asks, coming back through the two saloon doors that lead to your kitchen. You nod heading over to the couch and pulling your plate into your lap. He sits down next to you and the movie begins capturing the both of you in an interplanetary struggle between the Alliance and the small crew of the Firefly class ship for the next hour and a half.

          You swear to whatever deities out there that you DID NOT cry at the end. Your glasses were getting foggy that’s all. It’s very humid in April after all. No tears here nope not at all. You stand up and stretch your legs and offer to take the dishes back to the kitchen. Dave of course thanks you, and then tells you how cute of a little housewife you are. You give him a glare and vow to tell his soul mate how big of a douche he is when you meet them. You assume Dave rolls his eyes behind his shades but it is dark enough that you can’t tell. After rinsing off the plates you re-enter the living room to see that Dad has come out of his study and was talking to Dave.

          “So, John, are you feeling excited for tomorrow?” your dad asks, shifting in place. You bite the inside of your cheek and reply “Sure am Dad!” you grin for his sake even though you aren’t really feeling it. Your nervousness has come back in full force and with Dave here so do multitudes of different outcomes for tomorrow that all end badly. You don’t even notice when your dad is right in front of you and giving you a tight hug. You belatedly hug him back and after he pulls back a bit he kisses your forehead then says, “I am so proud of you son,”

          You smile for real this time and give him a quick hug before stepping back. Dad smiles at the both of you and then says good night and heads for his room past the kitchen. Dave smirks at you and says “Daddy’s boy,” you elbow him in the shoulder and tell him to shut up before turning to go upstairs to your room. He follows behind you snickering, and once upstairs, you both begin preparing for bed.

          Eventually the both of you are lying down in your sleeping bags. Dave refused taking the bed and you wouldn’t let him just sleep down there alone. You stare up at your ceiling and then the quiet thoughts start sinking in. You squeeze your eyes shut trying to will them away but it doesn’t work as well as you hoped. Beside you Dave lets out a sigh and says, “Egbert, it won’t show up until you actually sleep,”

          You want to huff and say ‘how do you know?’ but he was probably up all night on his birthday so you stay quiet. Then he continues and says “I can practically hear the wheels in your head turning man and they are squeaky as fuck, so just give it a rest bro. We’ll know who they are in the morning and it’ll be okay man,” he tells you. You want to disagree and argue and spill all your worries but Dave seems to be convincing himself more than you and you don’t want to push it. Nodding to yourself you stifle a yawn and settle down on your side.

          “Thanks for being here, Dave,” you say, to which he replies with “No problem bro,” and you both are out like lights flicking off.

Saturday, April 13th, 8:07 A.M.

          “Boys! Time for breakfast, you better hurry before it gets cold!” Dad yells from the bottom of the staircase. You wake up at the mention of breakfast and shake Dave a little to wake him up too. You rub your eyes to shake off the sleepiness and Dave rises to a sitting position beside you. As if you were in unison, you both look at each other, then you both start frantically looking at your exposed skin. Searching around your neck, arms, shins, ankles, nothing.

          You feel the panic start to rise up a little but Dave just says “Well, idiot, are you going to go do a strip and search or not? Unless of course you want me to look for it but I must formally deny. Looking upon a naked man would surely destroy my dowry and that’s not cool bro,” he trails off and you are already heading towards your bathroom only giving him a chuckle for his efforts. After shutting and locking the door you tear off your shirt and begin looking. Surely it has to be on your torso, how weird would it be if it were on like the back of your thigh? You twist and turn but fail to see anything until you move your hips a little.

          A bit of orange peeks out from your lower back and you slowly turn until it comes into full view. You stop dead in your tracks when you can see the whole name and a wave of panic grips you. The tattoo sits just right above your ass, a tramp stamp if you had ever seen one. Outside you can hear Dave starting to get curious and his ramble start to drift past the door. “Yo Egbert, you gonna scream like a little girl with excitement yet? I would have thought for sure that you’d be the one to actually go on your rooftop and yell for a good hour. Can’t blame you though, your roof is sloped as fuck. C’mon don’t let me die of suspense I’m sure you’ve found it by now tell me the name bro,”

          You know you have to let him in or he’ll just continue to ramble for another hour but how is he going to take this? God what if he doesn’t want to be friends anymore? No, you won’t let that happen, you and Dave are bros! He wouldn’t let something like this come between the two of you and you won’t either! You take a deep breath before saying “Wow Dave you’re so curious, going to commit adultery before you’re married?” and fuck if your voice didn’t waver during that sentence. If Dave heard it he doesn’t let you know and continues in an even tone.

          “Well, are you gonna tell me or let me see the tat, bro? My curiosity has almost killed Rose’s dead cat for the second time and is getting ready to beat its corpse with a wrench man,” Dave says and you have to take a shuddery breath to steady yourself. You walk up to the door and slowly turn the knob to see Dave leaning against the archway. You meet his eyes and he opens his mouth to ramble more but you just turn around so he can see it. You have your shirt in hand and as he stays silent you begin twisting it between your fingers. Behind you all you can hear is Dave’s little gasp as he realizes. Then you only hear him muttering curse words.

          “Damn it, damn it, damn it, fuck!” Dave says quietly before raising his voice so you can hear him clearly. “I’m gonna go make a call real quick bro, I’ll see you for breakfast man,” You turn but he’s already halfway down the staircase taking the steps two at a time and you feel your gut clench. You were right. You had hoped it was just and unlikely occurrence, maybe a distant cousin. But scrawled in orange, comic sans font, right on your lower back, reads Dirk Strider. You are officially soul mates with your best friend’s brother and you are freaking the fuck out.


	2. Reaction Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knows who his soulmate is! What now? is this thing over yet?

Saturday, April 13th, 8:13 A.M.

          Your name is JEFF EGBERT and today is your son's, JOHN’S, EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY. You are so, so, proud of him because today is the day he learns the name of his one and only soul mate. You have been frying bacon and making pancakes since seven-thirty this morning in celebration of this day. Seven-thirty was the perfect time than if you got up at say five o’clock in the morning, well that would be far too early. You already woke your son and his friend up for breakfast and you know they are awake by the ruckus they are making. Ah, youth, you think, smiling fondly.

          You can imagine them searching for the name and after seeing it trying to remember if there was anyone at their high school with that name. After not remembering anyone they’d probably try searching the internet on John’s laptop that you bought for him at Christmas. After quickly determining that John’s soul mate was not any kind of celebrity they’d look over a few of the pop ups but none of them would have John’s name listed as the known soul mate. They’d be a little disappointed in their detective skills but still ready to go to the databases later.

          You know this because it is exactly what you did on your own eighteenth birthday.

          You were not surprised to realize you had no idea who belonged to the name on the right side of your chest. You will admit to be a tad disappointed that you didn’t already know your soul mate. Though when you did know her it was obvious how perfect she was for you. Sadly, fate had other plans and you were destined to raise John mainly by yourself, under the careful guidance of your own mother while you were grieving the loss of your wife. Car accidents are not uncommon, but leave a terrible mark in everyone’s memory. Especially having the day of her death as close to your heart as her birthday is.

          Less than five minutes after hearing those two messing around, you hear one of the boys taking the stairs very quickly, and you can only hope that he doesn’t fall. You expect them to come into the kitchen and fill their plate but instead of coming into the kitchen the footsteps rustle inside the living room. You do your best not to eavesdrop but when the person’s voice carries into the kitchen practically shouting choice curse words you move to wipe off your hands.

          John knows better than to drop f-bombs and other words similar to it at home so you aren’t surprised to see David standing there, arguing with someone over the phone. “David, please don’t-“ You start reprimanding him but he just angrily points at the stairs and up towards John’s room as whomever he called starts to speak. You stare in confusion and he just keeps pointing, you get the hint and start going up the stairs. You begin to worry but you don’t think John is in any immediate danger, so you take the stairs cautiously.

          When you get to the top of the staircase you can see John standing inside of the bathroom. His hands are curled around the edge of the sink, the pale knuckles of his hand are almost as white as the ceramic beneath them, and his shirt tightly grasped in one hand pressed against the sink. He’s shirtless and you can see every muscle in the top of his back and around his neck are tense. As you approach you can see orange writing on his lower back but it isn’t close enough for you to read it. “John?” you inquire, not wishing to startle him. His head jerks up at the sound of your voice and you see his eyes are wide with worry.

          You step into the bathroom and before he turns you see the tail end of the tattoo on his back. _Strider._ Suddenly, you understand David’s urgent call and his choice of adjectives. He looks at you tensely, and you know he has many questions that you just can’t answer right now. So you settle with rubbing his shoulder comfortingly and then tell him some advice.

          “Well, we certainly can’t stand up here all day; put your shirt back on. It’s far too drafty up here. Come on, let’s get downstairs before the bacon gets refrozen,” you suggest. He nods; his jaw strained, and then hugs you before moving to put his shirt back on. You let John lead the way downstairs and when you reach the bottom of the stairs David is hanging up the phone. David’s stance is defensive, his back squared, unsure of how to act but unwilling to look weak when he’s this angry.

          You step past them, heading towards the kitchen so you can let them talk a privately before eating. Dividing up the food onto three different plates and then grabbing the milk and juice out of the refrigerator. You can hear their hushed voices but do your best to not listen in. If they wish for you to know, they will tell you. Soon enough they will come to get food. They are teenage boys after all.

~~~

Saturday, April 13th, 8:12 A.M.

          Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you are FUCKING PISSED. He knew. HE knew. He KNEW. For three years your older brother knew who his soul mate was and didn’t bother cluing you in that it was your best friend. His soul mate wasn’t even one of your girl best friends; his soul mate is your BEST BRO FRIEND. You managed not to scream at the sight of your brother’s name as a tramp stamp above your friend’s ass so instead you turned around and jumped down the stairs. You weren’t able to stop the string of curses that came to mind at seeing his name so you just told John that you were going to go call someone. Having made it downstairs, you turn the corner and grab the old house landline phone John’s dad refuses to unplug. In this moment you are so glad Mr. E is so stubborn about not trusting their cell phones in emergencies.

          You could just save yourself the trouble of having to remember your brothers number and call him on your cell phone but that would mean that he’d have caller ID let him know it’s you. If he’s as smart as you think him to be then he would probably block your call the second it first appears. That’s what you’d do if you were him anyway. You’re clutching the landline tightly, and begin punching in the numbers. You impatiently start tapping your foot as the call goes through. Finally Bro picks up and in his stupid business voice starts the introduction he does for any assumed client.

          You cut him off before he can even say his name, “How fucking dare you?! God do you know how pissed I am right now? You better be ready, fucker. If not for Egbert I’d have been back home five minutes ago and I would strife your ass into the ground you asshole. Why didn’t you fuckin tell anyone? Hell why didn’t you fucking tell me you enormous prick?! That would have been nice to know. Could have said ‘Hey, Dave, you know how I dumped that cool Jake kid after I turned eighteen? Well that’s because I’m supposed to be practically married to your best fucking friend!’ Hell, I would have been happy with you just giving me a heads up a week ago!” you seethe at him.

          To your left you can see Egbert Senior poke his head out of the kitchen and start to reprimand you for your cursing; not wanting to miss any of Bro’s crap you shush Mr. E and point upstairs. Thankfully he gets your hint and backs away just as Bro starts to speak.

          “This reaction, Dave. The way you are acting right now is why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d freak out like a selfish dick. Want to take a second to think about what else scared me into not talking about it? You both were fifteen, idiot. Did you really want me to start hitting on your underage-and-technically-illegal-for-me-friend all because his name showed up on my collarbone? No I don’t think so Dave.” He says crisply, as if he’s already rehearsed it all last night. Knowing him, he probably did; of course he will have also practiced whatever crap he’s going to tell Mr. E too. Of course your perfect brother can’t sound unnerved for even two seconds, the control freak.

          You roll your eyes and say “Of course you couldn’t have told me after I turned eighteen. Or even after I turned seventeen. No, let’s just keep Dave in the dark like he’s eight and you’re trying to tell him Santa isn’t real. So instead of actually telling him what’s up you just wait until the worst possible moment, you dick,” he just sits there for a minute and all you can hear is your own heavy breathing until he replies.

          “I won’t apologize for not telling you Dave. I had just lost my boyfriend to his soul mate, who I always thought was going to be me. I fell asleep expecting the name ‘Jake English’ to be plastered on me. Instead, two weeks later he moves out to Los Angeles and finishes school without me at some private boarding school with a movie star and a penthouse apartment talking about how it’ll be an adventure! On top of that, my own soul mate was supposed to be some fifteen year old kid with shit taste in movies and he always hung off of you like the two of you were dating. Sorry if I wasn’t enthusiastic about having to tell you at some point.” He finishes in a huff. You know he wasn’t, he couldn’t have been, reciting that part but you’re still really pissed off at how he still sounds calm for the most part.

          Instead of saying something incredibly dumb you just tell him to be ready to strife and then you hang up on him. You hang up in a neither a petulant or angst-filled way but in a way that says you’re tired of his crap. Yeah, that’s totally what it was. Behind you there are sounds of the Egberts coming down the stairs so you turn around. Your perfected poker face is in place and at the sight of John’s extremely worried face you almost drop it again. He’s your best friend and you’re giving him the equivalent of a cold shoulder. You’re still so mad at your bro you can’t just drop the face, even for your best friend. Mr. E pats John’s shoulder, and then walks past the two of you towards the kitchen, then John opens his mouth to speak.

          “Dave, I’d say I’m sorry, but we’ve both been told throughout middle school that you can’t pick your soul mate and Rose kept telling me that I needed to think about what if my soul mate is a boy cause she said ‘heteronormativity is a bad thing and you do that all the time john don’t assume you know the gender of your soul mate’ and I was kept telling her whatever but I got the message that we don’t pick our soul mates from all those puberty seminars so you can’t be mad at me right Dave? ‘Cause that would be a really big dick move and you know what it’s like to get a completely unexpected soul mate too. You don’t even know where yours is right now so you can’t really be mad at me for this Dave,” he babbles on and on until lack of oxygen stops him. You cut in before he can get going again.

          “Dude, dude, slow down okay I know. I don’t blame you or anything, I’m just pissed at my bro, per usual, it’s fine.” You explain swiftly to him. He makes a somewhat sour face at hearing that you were only mad at Bro but he just seems relieved enough to drop it until after breakfast.

          You both head into the kitchen where Mr. E has already sat down with his plate of eggs, sausage, and bacon with just one glass of milk. The man eats the same thing for breakfast every time you are at his house and you swear that he refuses to eat anything else before noon. John tells you every time that Mr. E has eaten waffles and cereal and other normal things for breakfast. When you asked if Dadbert ever ate cold pizza for breakfast John proclaimed that ‘cold pizza isn’t normal for anyone but you Dave! **’** John then proceeded to elbow you in the side out of the way and filled his plate first. That is also the last time you ever let him fill his plate first.

          This morning, like all the others you spend in the Egbert household, you again get your plate of food before John gets his own. Otherwise he’d probably dump salt or something on the leftover eggs, the dick. He’d say the salt makes the food taste better but you know he’d only do it because you do not pass up Mr. E’s eggs and he wants to level up his gambit crap. Those fluffy fuckers are the best and if John thinks he can dissuade you from them he is dead wrong.

          You sit down and begin to chow down as John finishes loading up on breakfast items. He’s a little subdued today, he didn’t even try to get to the kitchen before you, but you can understand why. If you were entirely honest you’d admit that you were feeling a bit subdued yourself. Good thing you aren’t entirely honest then. You keep your thoughts to yourself as you munch on some bacon. John’s dad, bless his heart, tries to fill the silence by asking how classes are going.

          John, the good son he is, answers dutifully. Whenever it’s a direct question towards you, (How is your photography portfolio coming along? Have you decided on postmortem studies or an art degree of some sort?) You answer to the best of your ability in a sentence or less. It almost turned into a game, revealing as much information as possible in as few of words as possible.

          Finally both you and Dadbert’s plates were empty (John forgets to eat in between his dad’s questions) and he kindly put both of them in the sink for you. You refill your glass of aj and wait for John to finish eating, knowing him he probably wants to actually talk about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHHAHAHHAHAH


	3. Awkward and not so Little Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are many awkward talks that go down but you guys only get to see one MWHUAHAAH.

            Still Saturday, April 13th, 8:56 A.M.

            Your name is JOHN EGBERT and it is time to actually talk things out with your best bro. Things can’t stay as they are right now. It’s only been this weird state of awkward for maybe a half hour, BUT THAT IS WAY TOO LONG ANYWAY! Something needs to be done, and that means talking it out like the bros you are! You take a long deep breath and steel yourself, trying to think of something to say. After a tense moment you finally speak.

            “Does this make us in-laws or something?” you blurt out, unsure of how to start this conversation and utterly terrified of how the conversation might end. Dave just looks at you, obviously trying to figure out if you actually said that out loud or if it was a terrible figment of his imagination. You grimace at your own words and wish there was a delete button in real life just for those last few seconds.

            “No, idiot,” he says, “Because you and Bro aren’t married, ugh gross, why would you say that man? Consider me mentally scarred forever. Forget the fact my brother didn’t trust me enough for a little forewarning this might happen this just tops the whole thing. I might hate you just for that question dude c’mon,” he rambles, finishing with a punch to your shoulder. You grin a little at that, mainly because of his reaction. But you can tell from his lack of silent anger or flat out leaving that he isn’t pissed at you. At least not entirely you, probably just five percent mad at you.

            That makes you realize who Dave is probably actually mad at, his brother, who is also apparently your soul mate. You don’t know him other than a semi unknown figure who was always off doing something important anytime you spent the night at Dave’s. Once or twice on occasion he would watch the two of you play some stupid game Dave had but that was it really. And now that makes a bit more sense to you. No wonder he didn’t want to be around you that often. If your roles we’re switched you doubt you would even be able to be in the same room as him without wanting to just blurt it out.

            “You’re mad he never told you,” you say, it could have been a question but it sounds more like a statement. He scoffs and his head does the little to the side nod you know is him rolling his eyes at you. His tone is bitter when he speaks and you have to remind yourself it isn’t directed towards you.

            “No shit I’m mad, John. God, he’s such a prick. Trust me when I say you deserve someone who won’t just give you shit all the time over nothing. You’re used to your great dad but you’re an Egbert not a Strider and we have so much weird shit you’ve barely seen any of it John I don’t want him to ruin you with his shitty fireworks in the dishwasher and swords in the fridge okay I know you’re used to food actually being in the fridge but he doesn’t do that man.” Dave continues to ramble but you cut him off before anything starts rhyming.

            “Dave, Dave, stop okay just stop talking for a second. I mean c’mon man; if he’s my soul mate then I guess I’m prepared for it? Also I’ve been to the apartment before I know what it’s like there dude I’m pretty sure there’s no way either of you can surprise me at this point.” You say to him. Instead of replying immediately he just brushes his bangs out of his face (his hair wasn’t in his face you think he just needed to occupy his hands with something). You both sit in silence for some time longer until Dave starts talking again, using his normal tone instead of his panicky ramble.

            “Okay. Okay yeah, I should get home. I called him over an hour ago so he’s probably waiting to jump me when I open the door or something. Uh, do you want to tag along I guess? Maybe we can surprise him if you knock on the door or whatever.” Dave trails off awkwardly with a shrug of his shoulders as you rush to find an excuse. Then Dad walks in with a set stride towards you both.

            “Actually, David, I would like to accompany you. Call me old fashioned but I should like to talk about your brother about things,” he says as calm as you please. You’re so stunned by this turn of events you can’t even freak out over how much of your conversation he might have heard.

            “Things?” you echo and he just nods, not even turning to look at you, still waiting for approval from Dave to go with him. You and Dave make eye contact for a half-second, even with his shades in the way, and you both share very confused looks. Dave shrugs again, looking back up to your dad.

            “I mean, it’s your funeral if you walk in first but I doubt he’d scratch you up too bad,” Dave says nonchalantly. Nodding in agreement it seems as though your father is releasing you two to go get ready to leave. Then both you and Dave get up to put your dishes away and get all of Dave’s shit. Going upstairs and waiting while Dave packs up his clothes is a quiet affair. Mainly just him unwilling to ask what your dad is thinking by coming along, and you being unable to give a solid answer. Finally you both walk downstairs and pull your shoes on.

            Dave tugs his keys out of his bag and you move to follow him to his truck when Dad says, “Ah son, I was thinking that you’d stay here and ah, hold down the fort. Old fashioned, remember?” he says, dropping his hand on your shoulder to stop you. You stare blankly at him for a moment but then nod and step back from the door.

            “I guess I can get my laundry done then,” you tell him and then turn to Dave. “Text me when you get home, bro. I forgot to ask you about the chemistry assignment,” and while that statement is somewhat true, (seriously what is that teacher trying to do you know it’s AP Chemistry but why the hell do you need empirical formulas this high up in the subject??) mostly you just want Dave to text you updates on what your dad is trying accomplish by going to the strider apartment.

            Dave gives you one last nod before stepping out the door with a quick “See ya Monday, Egbert,” and then he’s gone. Your dad gives you a hug and whispers in your ear how proud of you he is. As if you’d forget because he’s telling you that you can’t go with him to see your soul mate. After he steps back and grabs his own keys out of the little bowl by the door you give him a little wave and he waves back before exiting, making sure to lock the front door behind him. You watch them leave from the living room window and after their individual cars disappear down the block you turn away from the glass and let the curtain fall back into place.

            You trudge back upstairs to gather up your dirty clothes after toeing off your sneakers that you put on not ten minutes earlier. Walking around upstairs in your socks, your bedroom and your bathroom, picking up any clothing you found that didn’t pass the sniff test. Soon thereafter you have enough clothes to put in for two cycles of the washer. You do the standard sorting by color and making sure there is nothing in your pockets. The mindless activity helps distract you from the growing paranoia about what exactly Dad wants to discuss with Dirk.

            Dirk Strider, your soul mate, you think with an unsettling amount of calmness about it all. Before today you had never even thought of yourself as gay! You aren’t gay! Though if he’s your soul mate then obviously there has to be some sort of truth to it isn’t there?? You’ve only thought about girls in that way though? UGH SEXUALITY IS STUPID AND THINKING ABOUT IT IS RESERVED FOR LONG SATURDAY NIGHTS AND NOT WHILE YOU ARE DOING LAUNDRY. Thinking about your sexuality is something you refuse to focus on unless you are speaking with Rose, and have something stolen from her mother’s liquor cabinet in hand. Then she’d quietly remind you that you don’t even have to have a label and can be as dedicated to your soul mate no matter what gender they are. BLUH FORGET THIS BULLSHIT.

            You begin to try ignoring the fact that Dirk is also a male and start thinking about him in general as your fated beloved. This plan does not work so well because the sound of that phrase freaks you out to be honest. That phrase freaks you out a lot, who even talks about fate anymore. You know that somepeople think of soul mates as fate but still now it's not really fate it's a biological process. At least that's what your eighth grade health teacher always told you. You also remember that teacher telling you that it's perfectly natural to be nervous about meeting your soul mate. You are definitely feeling the nerves right about now. Is Dirk as scared about this as you are? Probably not, your mind supplies, he’s had three years to stew this over while you’ve had about three hours. You then ponder over every detail you’ve learned about him since being friends with Dave since you both we’re like twelve.

            He keeps to himself more that he reaches out to random strangers. Seeing as he only has four friends that you’re aware of. Three of those friends include his ex-boyfriend, Rose’s older sister, and your own older cousin. The fourth friend being one of your own best friends, Jade, introduced to him because of Dave. Mostly because while Dave and Jade dated for a year she spent a lot of time hanging out at the Strider’s place and learned that she and Dirk had a shared passionate interest in robotics.

            Dirk’s also talented as hell at almost everything he does. His DJing and rapping skills landed him a steady gig at a nearby bar six nights a week. You only know about his robotics through Jade because they sign up for competitions as an independent team and have won multiple awards every time. Dirk is also extremely intelligent, as shown by his graduation from high school two years early. Though, that particular scholastic feat was accomplished in order to take care of Dave.

            You curiously think about what else was on the checklist for Dirk to gain guardianship of Dave in order to take of him after their uncle Sawtooth died. Sawtooth left the apartment to them both in his will, seeing as he had no children or a spouse. The Strider brothers had been orphans since about a year after Dave was born and thus sent here to Seattle from Texas to live with their loosely related uncle. Dave has fond memories of his uncle but not a whole lot of them seeing as he was only twelve or thirteen when Sawtooth finally passed away due to lung cancer after being in and out of the hospital for the past three years preceding that.

            You wonder if Dirk still hurts from Sawtooth’s death rather than the deaths of his parents. You’d supposed that they both would hurt but does Dirk still visit his uncle’s grave? You wonder if he is buried in the same graveyard as your mother. Your quiet curiosity about everything that you know about him turned really deep really fast and you aren’t sure how much more you want to think about how you both have dead guardians in common. You shake off those thoughts as you stand up from the kitchen chair you somehow managed to sit in. Then go check if the washing machine is done with the first set of laundry yet.

            You swap out wet clothes for dirty ones and put the wet ones into the dryer. Almost done you tell yourself, heading back into the kitchen. Glancing at the clock you see that it is almost noon now and decide to pull out the necessary ingredients for a sandwich. It’s easy and quick enough to make without any hassle. You’re distracted for moments by your awesome combination of bread, ham, and lettuce.

            Satisfied and sated by the simple lunch; you put the used plate into the sink with the plates from this morning. Someone needs to wash dishes soon you think. You brush the extra crumbs off your shirt and look at the clock. Almost half an hour had passed while you were eating so you head back to the machines to check on them. Thankfully they have finished their jobs in time for you to do yours. The latter batches of clothes are put into the dryer and you carry the basket of dried, clean clothes up to your bedroom.

            You sit with the clothes on your bed, picking out each individual item and then after folding it, setting it in its pile ready to be put away. After falling into the pace your mind begins to wander back to the topic of your soul mate. Does he hate doing laundry or does he just get it over with like you do? Does he like putting on just out of the dryer clothes or prefer to keep them clean for a little while? Thinking of your current task you wonder what he’s doing right now. Probably having Dad bake a cake in their tiny kitchen and watching as Dad writes ‘WELCOME TO THE FAMILY, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU’ with the icing. Logically you know this is the least likely outcome but the mental image of it amuses you.

             Once all of your clothes are folded and away you bring the basket back downstairs while you wait for the second round to finish in the dryer. As you walk about of the kitchen you hear someone with a key fumbling with the door and then it’s your dad walking in by himself. He goes about his normal business as if he just got home from work and not having just talked to your new soul mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also i realized i should be thanking more peeps for reading and also if you have questions feel free to bug me at easybakedoodles.tumblr.com where i will probs be talking about universe stuff for this fic or other lil things. plus i do other things and you can probs see them over there on tumblr!


	4. Prep Period

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gettin ready for dinner *does a lil butt shakin dance

Even more Saturday April 13th, 11:34 A.M.

            YOUR NAME is still JOHN EGBERT and you trudge back upstairs, the last bunch of clothes forgotten in the dryer. You would mope or something similarly childish but your phone finishes buzzing as you walk through your doorway. Snatching it from your bedside table you open the app to see almost ten new pesterchum messages and almost all of them are from Dave. You ignore the pop up boxes from Jade and Rose, your other two best friends, and focus on Dave’s chat box.

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --**

TG: dude are you there  
     TG: egbert your dad just left and i thigadhkjfhdaigl  
     TG: bro just dragged me off the comp to strife  
     TG: back to what i was sayin  
     TG: i think your dad has crazy voodoo powers or smth cause that was the quietest convo ive seen bro have while stressed as fuck  
     TG: was as tense as a teachers pet waitin on a college letter i could see his back clenched up like a football jocks butt cheeks  
     TG: once it was done dadbert walked out calm as a summer day in june  
     TG: and bro descended like a fuckin pterodactyl or something shit was fucked up  
     TG: he was ragged when we strifed like idk  
     EB: holy shit dave you havent started rapping yet  
     TG: yeah man this is serious you asshole  
     EB: just give me a sec to read it over jesus dude  
     TG: yeah yeah  
     EB: so wait what did dad and your bro even talk about??  
     TG: hell if i know  
     TG: i went to my room fuck being out there when shit goes down  
     EB: dave!!  
     EB: you were supposed to spy for me dude!  
     TG: i get the feeling youve never actually tried to spy on anyone in your entire life  
     EB: that doesnt matter  
     EB: arent you supposed to be a ninja king or whatever??  
     TG: ninjas dont have kings  
     TG: im a motherfuckin daimyo or smth  
     EB: not important dave!!  
     EB: this is serious!  
     TG: i am being serious  
     TG: you think bro didnt have half an ear waiting for me to flashstep out of my room to listen in  
     TG: he would have kicked my ass  
     EB: you say that like he didnt kick your ass anyway  
     TG: shut up egbert  
     TG: next time you can strife the angry older brother and ill do laundry  
     TG: start working on my housewife training  
     EB: focus dave!  
     EB: he was mad after talking to dad?  
     TG: not mad more like stressed I guess  
     TG: probably ticked at me from my call this morning  
     TG: i dont think he was mad at your dad  
     TG: i think bro was actually relieved after their talk but hes stressed in general bout all this  
     EB: yeah dad said it was a friendly chat  
     EB: also that you guys are coming over for dinner tomorrow  
     TG: are we  
     TG: ill be damned  
     TG: bro just came in and told me that were getting grub at casa de egbert tomorrow  
     TG: well i sure as hell wont turn down free food  
     TG: though im pretty sure its just your dad tryin to fatten me up  
     TG: dude whered you go at least switch to idle if youre gonna go like that  
     EB: sorry had to grab laundry  
     EB: also dont say anything  
     TG: wasnt goin to  
     TG: just thinkin how happy bro will be when he figures out he never has to wash his own clothes again  
     EB: i will end you  
     TG: yeah don’t do his laundry for him he sucks  
     TG: do my laundry  
     EB: fuck no you suck  
     TG: wow how rude youre seriously going to do his landry but not mine

            The conversation veered back into uncharted territory as you talked to Dave awkwardly about how dumb his brother is and you stopped any thoughts of being unbiased about being his soul mate. A little later you went back and thanked Rose and Jade for the birthday wishes. They both assured you that their presents were in the mail and therefore almost to your house.

            The rest of the night passes in similar fashion, adding in small chats with Rose and Jade along with Dave whining to you about his brother. Mostly how he’s coming to your house early and how terrible dinner with Dirk is going to be, while at the same time, he tries to reassure you that your first dinner with him as your soul mate is going to be fine. Somehow the last thing you remember talking about before you fall asleep is what if you tricked Dirk into thinking it was some kind of costume dinner. Dave then violently vetoes the idea in the worry that Dirk would just wear his Rainbow Dash kigurumi and call it a costume.

            You go to sleep that night with thoughts of dressed up dinners swirling through your dreams. You and Dirk dressed in tuxedos seated at a fancy restaurant having dinner starts it off. Then Dave is there in an Alice in Wonderland get-up and you and Dirk are somehow in March Hare and Mad Hatter outfits respectively. When you wake up, disoriented at best, your first thought is ‘When will the White Rabbit show up for tea??’

            Shaking the thoughts out of your head you go downstairs for breakfast with your dad. The next few hours are then spent finishing up any leftover homework and then playing some online flash games. Kingdom Rush and There is Only One Level are new age masterpieces.

Around one o’clock, a new record for Dave in your books, Dave texts you to let you know that he’s heading over to your house. He must be pretty worried, unless it’s for school he never wakes up before two on days where he’s at home.

            Barely half an hour later, your dad opens the door to welcome a very impatient Dave inside. With a rush of petulance and general prickness, he just walks past Dad with barely a hello before he bounds upstairs to your room. He then just throws himself down on your bed facedown and then yells random nonsense into your pillow. You quickly decide that you have to break Dave out of his funk before dinner.

            “Dave, do we need to get Rose on pesterchum? I’m sure she’d love to help with whatever crisis you’re having right now,” you ask him dryly. You would be sympathetic to Dave if this were any other day. To be honest though, you’d really like to have an unbiased opinion of your soul mate before he gets here. Or at least the opinion you had of him before Dave found out that your soul mate is his brother. Dave isn’t helping with that whatsoever. What Dave is doing is making you regret letting Dad go talk to Dirk on Strider turf before you could run away to like Europe or something.

            Dave just whips his head around to glare at you for even suggesting the idea of talking to Rose about his “feelings” before dropping his head back down with a groan. A few minutes later he finally flops on his back and lays eagle spread on your mattress. Quiet mutters and mumbles vibrate through the air, indistinguishable from the quiet noise of cars outside but it’s enough that you know that it is coming from Dave. You roll your eyes and spin your chair with the back of it facing him.

            “Dave this is the part in our pesterchum discussions where I tell you to stop rapping at me,” you snap. You’re being pretty harsh and you know it but this day is important to you. Dave’s just being a dick about it because he’s related to the person that makes today important. Glancing at the computer’s clock it’s almost two o’clock now and soon you are going to be in the final three hours of the countdown. Behind you Dave grumbles some more and then finally raises his voice above a groan.

            “Sorry,” he says a bit quietly. You don’t care so much that it was a near silent apology, you’re just glad that he realized he was messing up. You turn the chair around again to look at him on your bed. He’s turned towards you and is now laying on his side like he’s posing for Sports Illustrated. You nod and accept his apology, knowing that what you just got was as heartfelt as it gets with Dave.

            “So I should assume that he’s going to come at the actual discussed time instead of like you and show up three hours early?” you ask pointedly, grinning to show that you’re in it for the prankster’s gambit and just teasing him. Dave only groans and flops on his back again.

            “Y’know I’d have thought that you’d be grateful, me coming over and telling you all the digs about what he’s wearing and dumb shit about him trying to match it with your eyes or something,” he says staring up at the ceiling. This is good, you are talking about his brother and there are no insults being thrown in the third party’s direction.

            “Yeah but you don’t actually know what he’s wearing do you?” you remark, staring to lean back in your chair. From what you know of Dave’s brother, he doesn’t go on dates, not anymore. Three years ago, when he was with Jeremy or whatever his name was, Dirk’s showers were three hours or longer sometimes. By that logic he was just getting in the shower by the time Dave left.

            “But he also picks out his clothes beforehand like a normal person, Egbert. I swear I think I saw him pull out his regular tennis shoes, you know, the ones without spats on them? Without spats, John do you hear me? He always wears the stupid spats on his shoes, remember? Says it’s ironic or some shit. This is practically a marriage proposal from him!” Dave explains to you in earnest.

            You don’t think it’s quite the proposal Dave thinks it is but it is also true that you have never seen him in shoes without spats. The conversation continues onto other aspects of Dirk’s supposed outfit including but not limited to his shirt, rainbow dash everywhere on the t-shirt to match your eyes. His pants, obnoxious neon orange cargo shorts cause what else goes with blue, and his shoes, not only are they spat-less but also black high top converse.

            You disregard everything Dave says after he tells you about the Rainbow Dash shirt Dirk apparently got from Bronycon 2014. As Dave is going through his retelling of seeing the fashion disaster arranged on Dirk’s bed, you begin looking through your newly clean clothes for something casual classy. Dave even interrupts himself to make noises at your choices, whether they are approval or disapproval of what you show him.

            You almost give up when Dave makes a distressed noise at seeing your favorite flannel but you laugh when he tells you that Dirk is a sucker for lumberjacks and he couldn’t handle it if Dirk jumped you during dinner. Looking at the clock it’s already become three forty-five in the afternoon. You shrug him off and tell him to play games or something and that you’ll just pick an outfit after you get out of the shower.

            It’s a quiet affair while you’re in the shower and it’s hard to not let what Dave was saying get to you. It has been three years, what if this all lost its appeal to Dirk? What if Dirk just doesn’t care about the whole soul mate hype anymore after it cost him his boyfriend that he had been dating since starting high school? You scrub your conditioner deeper into your skull as you think, almost tearing up your scalp in the process. You rinse off and get out of the shower, quickly drying off and pulling on clean boxers you brought into the bathroom with you.

            You walk back into your room with your towel around your shoulders and Dave is sitting in your chair, enjoying a nice game of Kingdom Rush while you were away. You’re about to make a joke but when you look on your bed, there sits a nice outfit of clothes you didn’t quite remember owning. You look back at Dave and he’s still playing his game oblivious to your quiet appreciation of your friendship with him.

            You know he won’t want you to mention it so you just pull on the clothes and look at yourself in your closet mirror. He must have relented about the plaid because he’s allowed you to wear your dark blue plaid shirt over a light yellow V-necked shirt. Your pants are a regular pair of jeans that are a bit tighter than you remember them being when you first wore them. He’s also pulled out your good old converse that still fit even after two years of high school.

           This whole time while you were dressing Dave was still playing his game. Finally you walk over to the computer, fully dressed, and watch him play for a minute before critiquing his strategy. Who seriously puts archers near mages? They are both long range where are your guards Dave c’mon!

            The next hour and a half are spent with you trying to help Dave win and him completely ignoring you. To say that you were overjoyed when he lost twice in a row is an understatement. That jerk deserved it after telling you that element mages are useless.

            Dad calls you and therefore Dave down to help set the table fifteen minutes before five. Dad never asks Dave to set the table but Dave is so awkward doing nothing that it just happens anyways. A few times as you set the table Dave pulls out his phone and makes satisfied faces at the texts he keeps getting. You have no idea who is texting him but you aren’t sure how you feel about that amused and slightly sadistic look Dave has on his face.

            Soon enough the table is set and you and Dave are released from duty. Dave, instead of lingering in the kitchen like you hoped he would so you could hide from your impending doom, bolts to the door and stands beside it and smirks whenever you make a questioning face at him. After glancing at his phone for the time he holds up five fingers at you. Counting down by the second, after his hand is clenched in a fist, signaling the last number the doorbell eerily rings and you almost jump out of your skin.

            Dad starts to yell for one of you two to get the door but Dave already has it open staring down the person outside. You’re across the living room and can’t see outside but Dave obviously knows who is outside and is saying something quietly to them. You start to walk closer, a knot in your stomach tightening with each step. This is it isn’t it? Dave knew it was going to be Dirk. Why didn’t he give you a heads up? What a dick, you think to yourself as finally, Dave relents and steps aside to grant Dirk entrance into your house and letting you see him clearly from where you stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyooo so i finally drew up what i imagined Dirk was actually wearing and not what Dave said he was (tho ngl i kind of want to draw that outfit too) BUT ANYWAY IMMA DROP THAT LINK HERE BECAUSE I KNOW IM NOT GONNA UPDATE ON TIME AFTER THIS http://easybakedoodles.tumblr.com/post/111422567170/ OK BYE


	5. Go Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DINNER TIME SUCKERS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for the wait, just so sorry

Sunday, April 14th, 4:41 P.M.

**\-- timeausTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --**

**TT: Dave you’re a dirty liar.**  
**TT: There are no uniforms for miles.**  
**TT: Especially not ones made for women being worn by males.**  
**TT: There is no way in hell he would wear one of those.**  
**TG: youll just have to get here and find out**  
**TG: the lace on this thing is impressive as hell**  
**TG: like some old ladies doilies or shit**  
**TT: You’re a dirty liar Dave.**  
**TG: whats your eta anyway**  
**TT: Five minutes goddamn, patience.**  
**TG: stop texting and driving you terrible example of a human being jesus**

     Your name is DIRK STRIDER and your brother is an awful liar. Of course you already knew that it would be next to impossible for John to be wearing a maid outfit, no matter how much you would have liked to see it. That however can wait for another day when you aren’t about to wine and dine him with your brother and his father in the room. You hope John opens the door and not his dad, wait maybe his dad would be the safer option. You’ve already spoken to him before. You glance at you watch, one minute till go time. Might as well get in front of the door and stop pacing behind your car like an idiot.

     Dave threw open the door right as soon as you rang the doorbell, leaving you looking like an idiot with one hand in the air and the other trying not to crush the flowers you picked up as a second thought. Dave was hiding a triumphant smirk, the little prick, as he stood between you and the first meeting you’ll have with John as soul mates. John himself on the other hand was looking as shocked as you felt.

     You weren’t going to lie to yourself, you wanted to strife Dave into the ground for being the one to open the door. You never really gave yourself the opportunity to think about what would happen once John turned eighteen but your lil bro being there to fuck shit up wasn’t really part of the plan. Neither was the ‘meeting the parents’ obligatory dinner as your first meeting, but you’ll work with what you’ve got.

     You glare at Dave and he shrinks a bit under your gaze as you put your hand down from where you were poised to knock. Dave steps out of the doorway and lets you inside. John wakes up from his stupor and slowly makes his way towards you and dave, ask if he expects you two to strife in his living room. You clear your throat and ignore Dave for the time being.

     “Here, these are for you,” your tone is practiced and you feel too stiff. It is almost like an out of body experience as he takes the flowers from your hand. He’s going to think a robot stole his soul mate’s body for christ’s sake. His eyes rake over you as he works over what he wants to say. You guess he likes what he sees if the slightly distracted look in his eyes is any indication, or at least he doesn’t think you look like a complete idiot.

     “Well,” he finally works out “I certainly hoped that you weren’t getting flowers for my dad!” he laughs, his voice strained. He’s nervous and it’s as clear as day, it’s obvious that he’s never been given flowers before and he just stands there holding the bouquet with both hands. His eyes flicker between you, Dave and the flowers. Finally Dave cuts in and you can hear his irritation at your mutual awkwardness.

     “Maybe you should get some water for those John, y’know so that they don’t wither away like a pinin’ Juliet while we eat,” he drawls. John startles and then nods, his face flushing a bit as he babbles, leading you and Dave into the kitchen where Mr. Egbert is finishing putting plates of food on the table. Dave slides into a chair first and Mr. Egbert starts to pull out the other chair across from Dave for himself. John places the vase of flowers on a countertop for collection later. You guess that he’ll find a spot for them after dinner.

     You’re still standing by the time John finishes with the flowers and in a fit of ingrained southern values you absent mindedly pull out a chair for him. You hate that he blinks in confusion before flushing and accepting the seat. You hate that you never had Dave go through the same etiquette class you did when you were younger as he snickers at you. You hate the heat rising up your neck in embarrassment. Sitting down in the last chair, you swear to god that Mr. Egbert gives you an approving nod as you make a last ditch effort to keep your face neutral.

     Finally in your seats, Mr. Egbert hops out of his chair, talking about forgetting one last thing leaving the three of you in a semi awkward silence. Forget this situation being semi awkward it was very awkward and you had no idea how to respond to it. Then you don’t even have to respond because there is Mr. Egbert rounding the corner with something aimed at you and he throws with a damn fast pitch. The next thing you are aware of is lemon in your nose you think everything is white in front of your shades.

     You jump out of your chair, startled by the assault of pie and you can hear Mr. Egbert concealing chuckles as you try wiping some of the lemon meringue out of your eyes. It seems you were the only one caught in the crossfires as John chokes down on his surprise and Dave starts all out snickering behind his hand. John has jumped out of his chair and walks towards you and starts berating his father for the prank. You shoot Dave another glare but he just keeps quietly laughing at all the gooey stuff on your face.

     John had crossed to your side of the table and you could hear him muttering under his breath about stupid traditions and how he should have known his dad would pull something like this. You don’t say anything mostly because goddamn is his close and you’re thinking he might have used some sort of cologne and it smells amazing. You barely catch yourself from startling when he grabs your wrist and starts leading you to the bathroom. He orders you to sit on the toilet and wait for him. There are not really a whole lot of other options besides going back out there and figuring out if his dad wanted to strife or not so you sit down.

     While perched on the porcelain throne without taking a huge dump you are able to watch what John is doing. He’s grabbed a washcloth from some hall closet and is already getting it damp with tap water. He can see you watching him and he starts babbling again, a small apology at first.

     “I’m so so sorry about my dad, he’s always trying to up his gambit on new people. It’s always been like this, he used to prank me as a kid too. The pie joke is so old, I tell him it is every time he still does it. I’m sorry about it getting on your shirt I can wash it for you if you want. I’ve had to get good at getting the stuff off of clothes,” he says, turning towards you with the lukewarm towel.

      You both kind of stand there for a moment before he holds out the towel for you to take. You accept it and gingerly begin trying to wipe some of the larger hunks off. He anticipates your movements and helps you get the meringue into the sink instead of on the floor. Things get quiet between the two of you before you speak.

     “Well I can’t say I’m surprised after what happened after the first time you came over,” you say, remembering that day with little love. John freezes up next to you, remembering it too. The thirteen year old version of him smiles up at you in your memory. He was trying for the innocent look even though there’s no one else to take the blame for the shaving cream and last traces of your sideburns on your cheeks. Dave knew how sacred the sideburns were, John, the upstart, did not. Jake snickering at your outrage didn’t help either.

     You sneak a look at him and his face steadily flushes, thinking about the events that happened five years ago. You smirk at his red face, flicking some more of the pie off your face. He tries getting another apology out but you just shrug him off. “No big deal,” you say before continuing to wipe off your face. It’s true, the little facial hair you had as a sixteen year old is insignificant in comparison to your facial hair now.

     Your face is mostly clean except for one or two spots that no one could prove you left on purpose. You turn to John for inspection, making a ‘Tada’ sort of hand gesture for him to look you over. He’s just barely shorter than you so you don’t even have to tilt you head up or down. He makes a sound of disapproval before getting closer to wipe at some pie on your temple. He realizes how close he is and blinks, getting off of his tip toes, his weight shifting back and further away from you.

     He may suspect that the spot of pie left under your chin was left intentionally but he doesn’t say anything. Just schools his face into calm indifference and wipes it off then tosses it in the sink without looking anywhere but into your eyes. The moment feels super charged and you think he can feel the tension too by the way he’s silent for another contemplative moment.

     “Dirk,” he says, and his voice sounds like he didn’t get enough oxygen before speaking. You belatedly realize that this is the first time he’s actually said your name all night and there is something about this that you must not fuck up. You have to touch him somehow, let him know that you’re here, that you’ll always be here, that you actually did hear him. You settle for holding onto his forearm, the arm that was placed on your shoulder to balance him when he was on tip toe. He takes a shuddering breath and you feel as though you might shatter if he exhaled on you.

     “We, uh. We need to get back to dinner,” he lets out and breaks eye contact finally, turning his head away from you. There’s a brief second where you have to restrain yourself from clutching onto him and keeping him in that spot but you let go of his arm anyway. Better to have a bit of distance than a lifetime of awkwardness. Knowing you, he probably already thinks you’re awkward, your mind supplies happily. You tell your mind to shut up.

     “One thing before we go back out there,” you say, catching his attention. “I’m not going to have to strife your dad or anything right?” This is a real concern; in your kind of circles you most definitely would have had to strife to prove worthiness before even going to meet John. John just looks at you like he’s waiting for you to tell him that you were just joking. He catches on that you were being serious soon enough.

     “Oh, no! No Dad will probably have a cake that says ‘THANK YOU FOR NOT GETTING PISSED AT THE PIE IN THE FACE’” he says, dropping his voice deeper for what he imagined being on the cake. You chuckle, mostly for his benefit, since you’re still concerned about his dad. He pats your shoulder and smiles reassuringly.

     “Well I doubt he’d have a cake with that on it but he won’t strife you. We still have dinner to eat remember?” he says with a lighthearted tone that suggests that there will be no strifes over John’s honor, tonight or any other night. You nod and he turns to open the bathroom door. You both have to awkwardly shuffle around in order to get out with no injury. John then leads you back downstairs to where dinner awaited.

       

     He doesn’t hold onto your wrist this time, and you definitely don’t get a little disappointed about it. Upon getting back in the dining room, Dave and Mr. Egbert are still sitting across from each other and now Dave wears a smug face while Mr. Egbert has the classic fatherly poker face. Suddenly you aren’t feeling quite so hungry.

     You and John both sit down and Dave just groans out “Finally,” before he reaches for the food to get himself some mashed potatoes. You’d glare at him for being a greedy shit but John already calls him out on it.

     “Wow Dave, hungry much?” he says with a teasing grin. John’s dad doesn’t say anything and just chuckles at the two boys’ antics. You shrug it off as unimportant and once everyone else has started filling up their plates you reach for the mac and cheese for your own plate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TA DA! hopefully it wont be five months until the next chapter but who knows???? not me!!


	6. Good Nights and Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner is about done and the shows over?

Sunday April 14th

        Your name is John Egbert and you have made a mistake. Table talk begins not long after all of you had loaded up your plates and yeah you definitely made a mistake. You should have moved to China or wherever you were thinking about earlier, even not knowing Mandarin in a country of predominantly Mandarin speakers would have been better than listening to your dad engage Dirk in idle topics.

        “So Dirk, what kind of work do you do? I know Dave has mentioned a club once or twice but I confess I have no idea what that entails,” Dad asks carefully. John bit back an annoyed groan knowing that Dad would probably disapprove of whatever Dirk did, even if It was something as simple as check IDs at the door. Of course, nothing Dirk did was simple, John should have expected it when Dirk next spoke.

        “I’m the DJ there actually,” his mouth made a weird little twist , as if he were thinking about sharing a secret of some sort. Before you could say anything in question Dave jumped in with a barely hidden frantic-ness.

        “He does a completely normal DJ show, Thursday through Sunday on completely normal clubbing hours by, himself,” Dave said, enunciating the last two words strangely because of his deliberate pauses. As if he was making a point, he stabbed at his mashed potatoes after he finished speaking.

        You side eye Dave to no avail, he doesn’t even look up and just keeps messing with his food instead of eating it. You look to Dirk instead and he’s smirking, trying to hide his chuckles. Dad just subtly shrugs his shoulders at you and then he moves the conversation onwards.

        “Well John also does music, nothing like DJ-ing of course but he plays the piano very well, always has,” Dad says and you wait until he’s looking away from you before dramatically rolling your eyes where you know Dave can see you do it. You’re cut off from doing anything else when Dirk turns to look at you and begins speaking.

        “Piano, huh? Never had the time to learn myself, maybe you could show me sometime?” You scratch the back of your head and nervously chuckle. Dave has started pantomiming gagging on his potatoes at the obvious line and you ignore him. You begin to protest, citing the fact that you’ve never given lessons, only taken them. And to be truthful you hadn’t been to a piano lesson in years. Now, it’s not that hard for you to just pick out new sheet music and start learning it. Dad however cuts you off before you can get any of this out.

        “That would be a grand idea; John’s too modest about his skills. I’m sure he’d love showing you the ropes,” Dad says, answering for you. It always ends up being terrible when he decides things for you and you want to glare at him but to your right, Dave’s exaggerated gagging has turned into actual choking on the potatoes. He rights himself after a few coughs and you have to fight the urge to laugh at him. From the small smirk on Dirk’s face it looks like you aren’t the only one.

        “Well if Dave is done being the biggest idiot in the room, then we’ll have to figure out when something like a lesson can happen,” Dirk says, looking at you through his shades. You desperately wish that he would just take the damn things off. Something to make it easier for you to know what he’s actually thinking and not just what he’s saying. As if he can sense your thoughts he wiggles his eyebrows at you.

        The way everyone who’d already found their soulmate talked made it seem as if as soon as you were in the room with them that there would be this instant connection. They said it’d be hard to imagine living without their soulmates even after that first meeting. But Dirk’s already met you, before he had his tattoo and before you had yours. He’s already lived three years without you, what does that mean for your relationship?

        Dad takes over then, disrupting your thoughts and talking about how finals should be done in the next month or so and you’ll have more free time then. You want to but can’t speak up to tell Dad that don’t really need to study anyway. You know that you do probably need that study time but you just want more time than this dinner that’s almost come to a close. Anything that would help you understand him.

        You snap out of your daze when everyone starts standing up. You take a cue from your dad and start clearing up the plates. Dave shoves himself backwards, still in his chair and away from the table, trying to knock you off balance as you walk behind him. You kick one of the legs on his chair in retaliation and Dave starts to gather dishes as well. Dad and Dirk already left the room, you dread to think of what they could be talking about.

        Once the dishes are in the sink Dave heads upstairs to your room to make sure he didn’t accidentally leave anything. You can’t decide if you want to follow him or go join your dad and Dirk so instead you just stay in the kitchen and rinse some of the food stuff off of the plates to waste time.

        Soon enough Dave descends with the playlist CD he made (you forgot he even let you borrow it), and you follow him over to where Dirk and Dad are standing. Dad shakes both Dirk and Dave’s hands, one after the other, and then excuses himself to clean the dishes. He wishes the both of them a safe drive home, then leaves the three of you standing together. You and Dave share a tender bro hug plus complex secret handshake. It took Dave an entire school day to come up with the perfect handshake for you two and it takes at least three minutes to complete in its entirety. Sadly (thankfully), neither of you can remember all of the inane steps after six years so it only takes half of the original time.

        “See ya Monday Egbutt, try not to cry without me,” Dave says, so you just shove at his shoulder jokingly, pushing him towards the door.

        “I’d cry more about having to see your ugly mug again Dave,” You say, acutely aware of Dirk standing next to the both of you, having had witness all of that god-awful handshake from when you were in the third grade. Dave just flips you off and then heads out the door, waving as he leaves. Then, only you and Dirk were in the hallway, alone, together.

        “Well-”

        “So-”

        You both try speaking at the same time and then share a chuckle about it. You make a sweeping gesture with your arm, letting Dirk talk first. He balls his fists and then speaks.

        “I wanted to say thank you. Y’know for not being as pissed as Dave about this,” he tells you. You’re a little surprised. You weren’t expecting something like that to come out of his mouth. Surprised that he thought he needed to thank you for something like that.

        “Oh well, I mean I figured  you had your reasons. Especially after seeing how mad Dave got. Seriously, if i’m being honest I don’t know if I wouldn’t do the same as you,” you say, reaching behind your head to scratch at your neck as you smile at him. He smirks back as you pat your hair nervously after ruffling it a bit.

        Your hand starts lowering back down to your side but quicker than you’ve seen him ever move, Dirk grabs it, stepping towards you in a fluid motion. He kisses your cheek as chastely as a pre-teen with their first crush. His lips are surprisingly soft against your face but you can feel a tiny bit of stubble on his chin.

        “Thanks, for understanding and for dinner,” he says, still holding onto your hand. You’re a little stunned by the cheek kiss so all you do is just shrug your shoulders.

        “I’m gonna blame Dad for dinner, but I’m glad you liked it,” you say in response. His hand isn’t sweaty at all but you’re worried that yours soon will be. You don’t want him to let go and you don’t want him to leave either but that means having to come up with something so you grab at your back pocket with your free hand.

         “Hey get out your phone, I don’t want to have to make Dave give me your number like a creeper,” you say successfully opening up your contacts one-handed. He thankfully doesn’t release your hand while pulling out his phone. You decide to fill in his name for him so all he has to do is tell you his number. After reciting digits for a few minutes everything is set. You’re looking at you phone with a little grin on your face until you see Dirk moving his phone around.

        Looking up you realize he took a picture of you, judging by his suspiciously smug face the picture probably isn’t flattering. Your face flushes and in retaliation you lift up your phone to take a picture of him while he smirks at you. This plan backfires as you realize that the picture you got isn’t bad at all. You disregard that thought and shove your phone in your pocket. Dirk looks like he’s about to say something but is interrupted by the front door opening behind him.

         “Dude I forgot my house keys and I have homework can we go home- oh ew dude GROSS! Please save this for when you’re both like fifty and I’m out on my reunion tour for my fifth movie, and there’s a horde of twenty something year olds who were like five when the movie came out and they all claim it as the film of their generation,” Dave says backpedalling and trying to cover his own eyes which are already hidden by his shades, Dave’s such a baby.

         “More like five creepy old guys who quote the entire movie to your face and cry about how young kids don’t appreciate their elders anymore,” Dirk shoots back, his grip a little tighter on yours as he glares at Dave who’s still in the doorway acting like he’s been blinded. Dirk’s posture looks relaxed but you can feel the tension practically radiating off of him. You belatedly remember Dave’s enraged call earlier and suddenly understand his anxiety.

        “C’mon Dave just give us a minute will you?” you say, putting on your friendleader pants. You will abuse your friendleader abilities right now, you will totally do that right now. You want to be able to say a proper goodbye to your- well, your soulmate. Even though it’s not one of those goodbyes that mean one of you is going off to fight a big monster or anything, you already have plans set up to see each other sometime. Still you would like Dave to not be here right now and if friendleadering him gets him to go then hell yes you will friendleader him!

        “All right, all right I’m goin, hold your horses, keep em in their shiny sterling paddock. I know your stallions are ready for the races but we’ve got like another month till the Kentucky Derby still,” Dave continues to rant about horses as he walks out of the house again, somehow making it outside with his hand covering his eyes.

        Both you and Dirk sigh in relief, he didn’t really sigh but the relaxing grip on your hand was your sign that he was calming down some. You squeeze his hand in reassurance as the door clicks shut behind Dave. Dirk still looks tense so you take your conjoined hands and bump him with them. A small move but it makes him look down at your interlocked fingers and you swear for a half-second you see him smile. Not smirking but smiling and you wish for a moment that he always smiled. You swallow down the knot in your throat and hope that your voice doesn’t crack when you speak.

        “So, before Dave rudely interrupted, you looked like you were about to say something?” You asked, prompting him.

        “Hm yeah, do you have any plans Thursday?” he asks. Pulling up your mental calendar you can’t think of anything and shake your head in response. “Good, then Dave and I can return the favor of dinner and a show. Probably with less pie involved,” he says with the smirk returning to his face. You groaned and facepalmed with your free hand, dragging your hand down your face for dramatic affect.

        “Dave’s gonna bust in again if you don’t go home soon,” you mumble, sadly you can tell he hears you by the loosening grip on your hand until finally he lets go. You fight the small noise of protest in your chest and quickly grab his hand before he can get too far away. Stepping towards him you kiss his cheek just as chastely as he did yours not too long ago. Afterwards you let go of his hand and step back towards your own personal bubble.

        “Goodnight Dirk, see ya Thursday,” You say quietly. You can’t tell but you think his ears get a little red at the tips, he doesn’t blush anywhere else but you’re glad for the small victory. He nods and opens the front door to step out. Once he’s outside you linger in the doorway to watch him get into his shitty station wagon. Dave’s sitting in his truck watching and tapping his hands against his steering wheel as if that will make Dirk walk faster.

        Before Dirk gets in his car, he turns and sees you standing there. He waves and smirks before hunkering down and getting his car on. You wave back and wait until Dirk’s pulled out to look at Dave. Dave gives you the most exasperated look and you know Dave well enough that he has to be rolling his eyes behind his shades. Finally he waves a hand at you, as if to shoo you back inside, and then pulls out to follow his brother home.

        You go back inside and then lock the door behind you. Your pocket buzzes and you wonder if Dave forgot something but you only see one text where normally Dave sends about ten before he thinks the message has gotten across.

**DIRK: G’night John.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THATS IT. IM DONE. I DID IT. WHEW IM SUPER PROUD OF ME. HERE IS MY FIRST FINISHED MULTI CHAP FIC. AHHHHHH! WHEW. WHew. whew. okay, so there may be future drabbles in this au cause i did a lot of planning for this fic and fic series but fell out of the homestuck fandom before i could write it all? so im only going to say that there MAY be drabbles. this is probs going to be the biggest part of the au but if you wanna ask questions about other characters totally go ahead please! you can find me at easybakedoodles on tumblr and i may talk about some of the au ideas i had if there is enough interest, idk we'll see. but yeah, thank you all so much for reading this and encouraging me along the way, I just wish it hadn't taken me almost a year to write six chapters haha. hopefully i'll be a bit more timely for other multi-chap fics. THANK YOU ALL AGAIN GOSH SHOUTOUT TO EVERYONE WHO COMMENTED YOU GUYS ARE GREAT. I probably would have left this unfinished if not for you guys.


	7. Epilogue-ish?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EB: hey dave??  
> TG: what  
> EB: what should i do if maybe i wanna see a person without their shirt but dont wanna take off my shirt???  
> TG: dude

Thursday, June 6th, 1:31 A.M.

 

**\-- ectobiologist [** **EB** **] has begun pestering turntechgodhead! [** **TG** **] --**

**EB: hey dave??  
** **TG: what  
** **EB: what should i do if maybe i wanna see a person without their shirt but dont wanna take off my shirt???  
** **TG: dude  
** **TG: you know that i know exactly who youre talking about right  
** **TG: and i needed that mental image as much as the head cheerleader needed knocked up by the running back after prom  
** **TG: which means i didnt in case you didnt get that  
****TG: how did i become the new romance expert  
****TG: what happened to everyone buggin karkat about this shit  
****TG: or hell ask rose maybe  
****TG: obviously everyone knows my romantic life is totally a fuckin success right now  
****TG: obviously im just flying out to los cruces in two days for the dead people and not my soulmate who rejects the entire idea of soulmates** **  
** **TG: for the sake of saving time im going to pretend i know nothing about your romantic or sexual relationship and tell ya straight  
****TG: or not straight i guess in your case  
****TG: who the fuck knows labels are fucking stupid** **  
** **TG: just  
****TG: tell him to take it off whip it out do the naenae whatever  
****TG: if hes any good he wont expect ya to do the same  
****TG: might ask but wont make ya do it  
****TG: why the fuck am i telling you this** **  
** **TG: ask lalonde or some shit jesus  
****TG: im sure she and kanayad love to fuckin drop some truth bombs and psychoanalshit  
****TG: you cant just disappear once ive deigned to give this prime advice egbert im not some cheap fortune teller on the side of the road in my tent that smells like weed  
****TG: peddling out what the people wanna hear just to make a few quick bucks  
****TG: i mean no officer theyre herbs against evil spirits dont you know anything  
****TG: smells like weed to me grandma  
****TG: you cant prove anything copper  
****TG: get the dogs i dare you  
****EB: ...** **  
** **TG: stfu ask rose next time dick**  

**\-- turntechgodhead [** **TG** **] has stopped pestering ectobiologist! [** **EB** **] --**

 

**\-- ectobiologist [** **EB** **] has begun pestering tentacletherapist! [** **TT** **] --**

**EB: hey rose are you on right now??  
****EB: I kind of have an important question  
****EB: and you can’t laugh at me about it ok!  
****EB: maybe i should have just asked you first anyway  
****EB: I mean you and kanaya are happy right??  
****EB: not that i’m not happy!!!  
****EB: i’m just...  
****EB: nervous.  
****EB: though if i believe dave then it's as easy as just talking to him  
****EB: just go up to him and say  
****EB: ‘hey! i think you’re really hot and want to go a little further but with all of my clothes on and only some of yours off!’  
****EB: like that won’t sound unfair  
****EB: though he’s never expected anything of me before  
****EB: even when he got dave out of the apartment by telling him terezi needed a d &d buddy so we could be alone he was never pushy about anything...  
****EB: nevermind, thanks rose!**  

**\-- ectobiologist [** **EB** **] stopped pestering tentacletherapist! [** **TT** **] --**

**TT: Glad to be of service then.**

 

Saturday, June 8th, 6:46 P.M.

 

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and you just want your boyfriend to TAKE IT OFF. Wait, no, not like that! Well sort of like that. You just want to see him without a shirt on! Stop being a perv!

You have been dating your boyfriend, DIRK STRIDER, for a FEW MONTHS AND A BIT but neither of you have gone past just making out yet. Which was really nice and you definitely did NOT get butterflies over the fact that HE IS WILLING TO WAIT even though he had to wait three years for you to turn eighteen and for his name to appear on your body.

It’d almost be funny that neither of you have actually seen each other's names yet, except for the fact that yours is right above your ass and you find it hard to ever want to take your shirt off around him. Though you really do wanna see him without a shirt on so this makes things a little more difficult.

“So, uh, what would you hypothetically, say if I were to hypothetically ask for you to take your shirt off? Hypothetically,” you said, trying for nonchalance one quiet afternoon. You can tell Dirk is looking at you from behind the shades, but he hasn’t turned his head away from the TV so that means he’s considering it seriously.

“Well hypothetically I’d have to stop watchin this pimpin episode of Parks and Rec to consider the question,” he says in return, with the slightest tilt of his head towards you. So that’s how that piece of shit wants to play it huh?

“What if I hypothetically offered hot makeouts if you did take off your shirt?” You reply, using the sauciest wink Roxy had taught you last week.

“Hypothetically I might start thinking about it a little quicker,” He snarked back, finally catching your gaze with a slow twist so that his face was fully looking at yours. How dare he! That saucy wink was the most seductive thing in your repertoire! Well aside from say cosplaying Nic Cage’s Cameron Poe, but you don’t have that ready right now and needed something quicker!

“Screw hypotheticals, damnit Dirk just take off your shirt,” You said quickly, annoyed by his casual attitude about it all.

“Please,” you added for emphasis. His mouth quirked into a smirk as he tried making bullshit arguments about Parks and Rec. You cut him off by getting closer to his space, giving him plenty of time to push you away if he so desired, leaning over him to grab the remote from his other side. The two of you could watch Tom go camping with Ron later. Right now, you needed him slightly less clothed.

“Can I kiss you?” You asked, huffing from the sudden movement, you were raised on cake ok! He just snorted and nodded, tilting his face up for the kiss.

He let his hand drop on top of your hip as you both twisted to get more comfortable on the couch. Finally, you were practically laying on top of him (it was a small couch!!) holding yourself up by your elbows that were framed by his head. He had brought his hands up to rest on either side of your hips, his thumbs rubbing little circles. You knew this was his way of letting you know that this train could stop whenever you wanted it to but you didn’t want it to stop yet, you were on a mission!

It took a bit of jostling but you got your knees underneath you so that you were sitting on Dirk’s thighs, your hands resting on his chest. He wasn’t saying anything, just letting you call the shots on this ride. In order to reassure him (or maybe mostly yourself) you leaned down and kissed him. It ended up being a bit more tender than your last and you almost forgot that you were wanting to get him half naked. After pulling back again you tugged on his shirt, impatiently hoping he’d get the hint and take it off. He only tilted his eyebrows at you, waiting for the magic words.

“Would you take your shirt off, don’t make me say please again,” you say, looking down at him.

He tapped your knee so that you would scoot back a little more in order to let him sit up and take it off. You kept your hands cradled in your lap as he finally pulled his shirt over his head. Your eyes raked over his torso as more of his skin was revealed, searching for anything really. You’d never seen him without his shirt before and you maybe (definitely) were taking advantage of the opportunity. He had quite a few scars along his sides, most of them from strifing. There were a few cuts in scary places that worried you, but they seemed all healed up by now. You drifted your hands upward, scanning for text of any kind really. Until finally, right along his collarbone, in pretty as a picture script, was John Egbert in blue letters.

Dirk shifted under your probing eyes, unsure of whether to be defiant or nervous under your gaze.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, trying to fill the silence. You leaned down, with another equally if not more tender kiss, and asked him to take off the shades. He chuckled as he slid them off and settled comfortably underneath. You started to trace the letters and loops with your fingertips until finally he pulled you down for another kiss.

“Alright, alright, this was real nice but uh perhaps maybe we even the playing field? I feel like a quarterback with no pads and three defensive linemen bearing down on me,” he complained

“What is with you two and football metaphors?” You said in reply, trying to deflect. However, he just raised his eyebrow with an unimpressed look and tugged on your shirt.

“Would you want to take this off?” He asked quietly. In all fairness, you should take off your shirt. In fact, you kind of want to take off your shirt? Dirk is fairly hairless on his chest and you would like to compare a bit. On top of all that, it’s Dirk, if anyone is going to feel as worried as you do about showing off your mark, it’s going to be him and he’s already shown off. In response, you nod and shift back so that you are sitting upright. You quickly pull your shirt up and over and wait for Dirk to ask.

“How are you so much more fucking hairy than me you’re like the worst otter you don’t even work out.” He says with mild protests as he ran his hands up your chest to run his fingers through your awesome (minimal) chest hair. You can see his expression grow the tiniest bit confused as he looks up at you, until you fill him in.

“It’s uh, on my back,” Avoiding it, you just turn around and flop against the other side of the couch, giving him some room to move around in order to see it. He crawls from where he was below you to hover above you with his hands on either side of your ribcage. You almost feel his gaze and know that he’s looking too high for it.

Finally, you hear a sharp intake of breath and you start to shiver because it’s a little chilly in here and not because you KNOW that he sees it right now. Everything is really quiet and you want to look over your shoulder to see what he’s doing, why hasn’t he said anything to you yet? His hands drop away from your ribcage and what if he thinks it looks stupid? What if he thinks you’re stupid and -oh.

“Stop thinking so much, I hear the wheels squeaking in your head,” he says, his voice muffled by the fact that he had started dropping light chaste kisses along the width of his name on your back. You huff at him only for him to chuckle and continue kissing along the orange font. You feel his thumbs brush the path of the little lightning bolts on either side and fight the urge to flip around and kiss him. He let you investigate his, only fair that you return the favor.

After a minute or two you feel him tap his hand against your hip, telling you to turn over. Once you are both face to face again, you share a kiss that is neither tender nor passion fueled but both at the same time if that is even possible. It’s probably the nicest kiss you two have shared and while normally it makes you want more than kissing right now you are content to just kiss.

However, your phone has other plans ands starts blaring out the ringtone Dave insisted on setting. Normally he just texts, never calls so that strikes you as weird but you’re kind of busy right now! After letting him go to voicemail you get another minute of quiet before Dirk’s phone goes off with a similarly obnoxious ringtone that Dirk probably picked out himself.

You both break away with a sigh of disappointment and you wave your hand in the direction of the noise so he can pick it up. If Dave is calling the both of you then he better be close to dying. Dirk picks up with an irritated look and puts Dave on speaker.

“Stop being disgusting and pay attention to me you assholes,” Dave says automatically, knowing that you two would only ignore him if you were together. You both roll your eyes and you’re glad Dirk took off the glasses just so that you can see his exasperation more clearly.

“What do you want Dave?” Dirk says monotonically into the receiver. His voice somewhat raspy from your activities earlier.

“Y’know how you were trying to do the good big brother thing in front of Dadbert at the airport and told me to call when I landed? Well I landed and now I’m looking for the gal who is gonna pretty much teach me how to properly handle dead things, also how to talk to my soulmate no big deal you know how it is. Oh shit wait where’s the fucking baggage claim in this place the fuck. Wait hold up. There’s a short little lady with the poofiest hair i’ve ever seen we’re in New Mexico there is no fucking humidity here, wait she’s got a sign, fuck she’s Aradia. Oh my god that must be him I gotta go talk to y’all later,” Soon thereafter, there was a click and the screen switched back to Dirk’s home screen.

“Well, that was certainly insightful,” Dirk says after a pause. You both roll your eyes and he quietly slides his phone back on to the coffee table. You almost want to start kissing again, but this has been a bit overwhelming in all.

“Are you ok with cuddles?” You ask, oddly nervous after all that conspired. In response he just opens his arms and folds you in so that you are laying on top of him again. With a sigh, you settle against his now bare chest and feel oddly lighter now that you both have seen each other's marks. That somehow it’s just a little more real to you now. Not that it wasn’t real before, but now, there was the tangible proof of how important you are to each other.

“So, you wanna watch My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic season two, or whatever is first in the recommended list?” Dirk asks, just holding back his shit-eating tone. He sounds so smug and you know it’s because he can see his name over your shoulder from where you’re laying and you want to hit him. But you also don’t want to be anywhere else than here, which is all in all, kind of unexpected.

“Ehh, let’s start season two,” you say, holding him close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT! Ok so I started writing this extra chapter because I saw that the kudos count had reached about 195 or so and I said to myself, alright, when it reaches 200 kudos, release the bit of epilogue you've been sitting on for a while. Well, when I saw it hit 200 last Monday, I hadn't quite finished what I wanted to write and so I said, well post it on 4/13 you big ass nerd. AND HERE WE ARE!! 4/13/2016! Seven years, seven acts, seven chapters and seven hours of trying to clean up this epilogue before I had to go to school. I wanna thank everyone who's read this from the beginning, and those of you who found it after everything was done, and every kind comment especially after I fell out of the fandom and had a hard time writing the last chapters, this one is for you! Happy end of homestuck!


End file.
